


From Silent Dreams We Never Wake

by awouldbeking



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Psychiatric Ward AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-24
Updated: 2012-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-12 19:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/494850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awouldbeking/pseuds/awouldbeking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It didn’t bother Dean knowing that Castiel thought he was an angel. Cas was his friend, and friends were hard to come by around this place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Silent Dreams We Never Wake

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Hannah (canyoukneelbeforetheking on tumblr) for helping me with the ending and little things along the way. And to Chelsea (jollyasaroger on tumblr) for being awesome and reading this for me ♥

Lakeview Long-Term Care – a psychiatric ward that doubled as a hospice - had been home to Dean for a little over a year. Much to the doctor’s and his brother’s dismay, Dean was not getting better. His attacks had not ceased and in fact had grown worse. Medication was doing nothing, and therapy only made him angry. He was beyond repair and Dean had already accepted it.

The only thing that made this place even slightly bearable was a quirky nerd in an overcoat named Castiel. Cas had showed up one morning in crumpled scrubs at Dean’s door, staring at Dean with an odd glow about him. As if he had been _happy_ to find Dean. Cas had seemed as though he were too normal of a guy to be a patient. Although, he spoke like a scholar and had no grasp of personal space. Well, that and he was convinced he was on a holy mission to protect Dean and something something about the apocalypse. Dean tended to zone out whenever Cas started on his holy rants.

Castiel kept Dean company and that was that.

 

♦♦♦                                                     

 

The sun rose and light started to pour into the cold ward through barred windows. Dean’s eyes grudgingly flittered open, and he instantly felt a certain hollowness in his stomach. It was the morning after Dean’s biggest attack of the year and Castiel had been the only one to witness it. Suddenly guilt washed over him; he let his friend – his only friend – witness something so scary and so personal. He felt embarrassed. In his state of panic, he let Castiel into the room last night.

“Shit,” he muttered into his pillow. _He probably thinks I’m a fucking psycho._ He followed in his mind. The statement seemed a little asinine once Dean thought about it because after all, _they were in a psychiatric ward._

“Good morning.” The deep voice made Dean’s stomach drop hard. He sat up slowly to see Castiel perched on a chair, his posture straight and his hands folded in his lap. Had he even left the room? Did Cas even _sleep_?

“Yeah,” Dean said warily. “Are you… did you go to bed?” Dean asked, furrowing his brow. Castiel smiled softly and adverted his gaze to the tiled floor.

“No, I do not require sleep,” he said and Dean couldn’t help but smile.

“Right, the whole angel thing.” Dean swung his feet over the edge of the bed and walked over toward Castiel, who had looked up to Dean with those ungodly blue eyes. They reminded Dean of the sky, of clouds and fresh air…

“How are you feeling?” Cas inquired. Dean leaned against his bed frame and rubbed his eyes. “You look better,”

“Yeah,” Dean sighed and looked to the ceiling. “Thanks Cas. Thanks for staying here last night.” He looked to Castiel briefly, confusion spreading over those worn features.

“You have no need to thank me; I am simply doing my job. Though I do fear for your well-being,” Cas stood from his chair and approached Dean gradually. “You have not been looking so well lately.” Dean chuckled and laid a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

 “Man, I’m fine.” It was a lie. Dean could feel his mind deteriorating with every waking moment. A moment passed between the two before Dean cleared his throat and headed toward the door. “Breakfast?”

“No, I am fine. I do not-”

“Require to eat.” Dean cut in, mimicking Cas’ monotonous tone. This made Cas at least smile. “Well, you’re missin’ out on some gourmet shit.” Dean rolled his eyes. “C’mon, at least sit by me so that Becky chick doesn’t sit next to me. If she asks me one more time about Sammy I swear I will make a shank outta a fork or something.” Castiel smiled and obliged Dean in joining him for breakfast.

Breakfast was followed by a cup-full of pills. Castiel hadn’t been handed any pills, explaining that they had been given to him earlier in the morning. Dean took his pills with a hefty sigh and an accompanying eye roll.

The day continued like any other. Wandering around the halls, a brief recess in which Cas and Dean sat by the lake and talked about home, then lunch, more pills, and finally therapy. Cas and Dean were in separate therapy groups, so they split for an hour.

Dean stayed silent throughout the session as per usual, gaining a concerned look from the head therapist.

“Dean, there must be something you would like to discuss,” she prodded, leaning forward slightly. She tried to give him a warm smile, but it only made Dean crawl in his skin.

“Nah, pass.” he said with an annoyed smirk. The therapist sighed in defeat before moving on to the next person in the circle. Dean never had anything to share. What was there to share? This place was a wasteland, Dean was losing his mind, and his only friend thinks he’s an angel of the Lord. He missed his brother, his father, their family business, his car… he missed women and drinking.

Most importantly, he missed feeling normal.

 

♦♦♦

 

“Dean,” Cas said softly, placing a hand on Dean’s. Dean felt a tear run down his cheek and he did everything in his power to hold back any more. “Dean, please take a deep breath.” This was Castiel’s fourth witness to Dean’s attacks. Dean did as he was told but it came out in rasps.

“I can’t Cas, I-” Castiel hushed him softly and ran a hand through Dean’s sweat soaked hair. Where Cas had been learning all these methods escaped Dean, but that was far from his mind at the moment.

“Dean, look at me,” And so he did. “Everything is going to be alright. I need you to clear your mind.”

“It’s not that fucking easy Cas,” Dean needed to scream, to pace, to run his hands through his hair. He needed to move or he was going to explode with anxious energy. “I can’t just stop, okay?” he was getting annoyed and Castiel could tell.

“Okay,” Castiel nodded. They sat in silence while Dean worked out his panic, soft sobs coming out in wretches. At one point, Castiel had brought him into his arms so that Dean could cry into his shoulder.

After an hour, Dean’s mind slowed and ceased, giving him peace at last. However, he continued to be embraced by Cas, finding a certain warmth and comfort he’d never felt before.

“Cas,” he finally croaked.

“Yes?”

“Thanks. And before you go onto that whole duties speech, I want to thank you for being here.”

A moment passed. “You’re welcome, Dean.”

 

♦♦♦

 

Dean hadn’t seen Cas in two days.

At first he thought Cas had actually fell asleep for once; but after two in the evening, Dean started worrying. He’d asked around about him, but nobody was answering clearly. It was all ‘I’m sure he’s around here somewhere’ or something just as vague. Something was going on and no one was helping.

It had been nine o’clock when Dean’s panic attack settled in and Cas wasn’t there with his soothing hands.

 

♦♦♦

 

“I haven’t seen Castiel in a week,” Dean said, his voice a mix of despair and worry. “No one will tell me where he is.” His voice was breaking. He had pulled the therapist aside after one of the meetings, hoping she would have some insight.

“Dean,” she has said quietly. “Castiel isn’t real.”

Dean could feel his world shrink around him. Everything became slow and the only thing he could do was chant “No, no,” over and over in the small office room. A team of orderlies and a needle full of sedative later and he was back in his room.

 

Everything felt cold.

 

It was the loneliest he had ever been.

 

♦♦♦

 

He felt betrayed. Either by his mind or Cas himself, he could not figure out. But the two had been one in the same, had they not?

Dean refused to leave his room. He did not take his pills, he did not eat and he certainly did not sleep. He felt empty inside, longing for something that hadn’t even been real. He’d realized now that he had loved Cas. Whether it was a platonic love or not, Dean would never know.

 

Another attack settled in and this time he needed to be sedated.

 

♦♦♦

 

Castiel showed up at the end of Dean’s bed, taking a seat at Dean’s feet.

“C-Cas?” Dean croaked. He felt like vomiting. It had been two weeks and he had only begun to recover. He had convinced himself that Castiel hadn’t been real, just as he had been told.

“Yes, I am here Dean.” His voice was slow and rough, just as Dean had remembered.

“No,” Dean chuckled deliriously. “No you’re not. I made you up.” His smile was sad and hollow.

“No, Dean, I am real and here. I have lied to you though, and for that I feel immensely guilty. I wish to redeem-”

“No,” Dean laughed. “I can’t fucking believe my own head is making this shit up.” He stood from his bed and ran his hands through his hair.

“Dean,” Castiel’s voice came closer. “I was sent here to protect you. I really am an angel of the Lord.”

“Yeah,” Dean laughed maniacally, feeling his stomach lurch. “This is golden.” He turned to where Castiel’s voice had been but the room was empty. Dean fell to his knees, feeling his eyes burn as he held back tears. “What’s fucking wrong with me?” he whispered into the cool night’s air.

 

♦♦♦

 

A month passed before Castiel had shown up again. Dean had been sleeping when he did so, and had only woken up when he had felt a hand caress the side of his face.

“Cas,” he whispered through sleep. “Please stop this.” Just the thought of Cas brought tears to Dean’s eyes.

Looking up, he could see hurt in those sky blue eyes.

“Dean, I did not mean to bring so much pain…” Cas’ touch was soft and warm against Dean’s skin.

“You’re not _real_ ,” Dean’s voice was tired and when he looked up, Cas had already left. His cheek felt cold from the impression Cas had made. “You’re not real…” he repeated into his pillow.

 

♦♦♦

 

Dean’s loneliness had almost eaten him whole. He’d barely left his room spare for bathroom trips or food. He’d ignored the other patients and certainly didn’t bother with the orderlies. He’d taken his pills like a good patient, ate his food in solitude, put on a mask for his brother and father, but spent the majority of his time wallowing in self-pity.

It was two months since Cas’ last appearance, but Dean still hadn’t gotten over it. The therapist had pulled him aside plenty of times to ask him about Castiel, but Dean simply gave a scoff and stormed off from sight. Talking didn’t help Dean Winchester before, and it sure as hell wouldn’t help him now.

It had been a particularly quiet evening when Cas had shown up in the shadows of Dean’s room. He stood there for a brief moment and Dean noticed that his expression was hard, as well as his posture. Cas stepped forward into the light, his eyes fixed on Dean with a stony expression.

“You have not been well recently,” he started, the deepness of his voice shaking Dean to his core. He hadn’t realized how much he craved that voice. “I fear that it is my fault.”

“Cas-,”

“I am here to inform you that I will be leaving. I will maintain watch over you and help all that I can, but I now realize that I cannot be physically here with you, for it upsets you.” Cas’ expression did not stray from its hardened state. Dean felt a pang in his stomach and his hands went numb. “This is good bye Dean Winchester.”

“Cas wait!” Dean sprang from his bed, his hand reaching toward the shadowed figure in front of him. Cas stood his ground, his expression growing concerned. “Don’t go,” Tears burned his eyes, begging to fall. The loneliness was tearing him apart and eating him whole; Dean could not take this anymore and the only thing that could make it go away was the blue eyed man standing before him.

Cas’ eyes softened, the wrinkles flattening around those sky blues. Dean felt heavy arms wrap around him in a tender embrace. Castiel was soft and warm and everything that Dean had wanted. And he was still here.

That was when Dean realized it was and always had been Cas. He didn’t know if he had been making him up, but he knew that he couldn’t let him go again. Dean took Cas’ face in his hands and pressed a small kiss to his lips.

 

It felt real, warm and welcoming; Dean didn’t feel lonely anymore. 


End file.
